Finding out the gender at the twenty-week scan
The Big Scan … “Oh, when have you got your big scan?” you will hear people say when you tell them you are pregnant!
Coming up to twenty weeks into your pregnancy you’ll be booked in for an anomaly scan, also referred to as a gender scan. This scan may take place at any time between weeks eighteen and twenty-one of your pregnancy and as the scan name suggests, it’s primary purpose is to carry out a detailed examination of your growing baby to identify any concerns (‘anomalies’) with their development.
Whilst the primary focus of the twenty week scan is to detect any abnormalities or anomalies, it may also be possible for the sonographer to identify your baby’s gender during the scan If you’re keen to know the sex of your baby, try to remain patient during the scan and wait for the sonographer to carry out an accurate assessment of your baby’s development, it’s important and it is their main priority.
If you’d prefer your baby’s sex to remain a secret though, it’s important to let your sonographer know before they begin.
For me on my first pregnancy, I wanted to find out from the start. I am an organiser, I like to be in control and wanted to know what we were expecting. My husband is a bit more laid back and easy going (he would have to be to have married me!) so he was on the fence about finding out, but he did like the idea that if we were to find out that it would be our news between the two of us before sharing it with the rest of the world.
So, we found out at the twenty week scan that it was going to be a boy! I had a feeling it was a boy, at one of the earlier scans when I saw a glimpse of the face I just got a strong feeling it was going to be a boy. After we found out at the twenty week scan we kept the news to ourselves for a few weeks to give us time to digest it, think about names and just enjoy it.
However, I found it so hard once I knew when people referred to the baby not to respond and say something like “when HE comes along”. I did say it by accident in work to my best work pal but she was really good about it and pretended not to have heard until after I officially announced it weeks later!
We told our immediate family around the thirty week mark, I distinctly remember giving my mum a blue cupcake at the pregnancy and baby fair in the RDS to tell her and us screaming like lunatics in the packed cafe!
On my second pregnancy, I had a strong feeling from the start that it was a girl as my morning sickness was completely different for one thing. With my first child I had been physically sick each morning and experienced nausea throughout the day but still had a strong appetite and once I ate it was ok, I did have horrific heartburn though! But my skin glowed, I looked good, don’t they say a boy gives you good looks and a girl takes them away!
On Eleanor, It was very hard to hide the morning sickness, I was exhausted, looked grey and couldn’t eat very much at all. Working in a company where there is a very open canteen where we all sit together it was very hard to even go to lunch with anyone as the smell of food would make me nauseous. But, I didn’t actually get sick, just that feeling right before you get sick …. all day long!
But, I digress, back to the scan … by the time it got around to “Big Scan” time I had a strong feeling I was having a girl, also people had told me you are sicker on a girl as apparently the female hormones work against you … an old wives tale perhaps, but in this case it was certainly true!
Due to pandemic restrictions, my husband couldn’t come into the hospital for the scan or for any of my appointments all through this pregnancy, which was really tough on both of us! As this was my second pregnancy I recognised some of the nurses and doctors in Holles Street which, along with knowing what to expect, made it a little easier, but sometimes, and particularly at the twenty week scan, I would have loved him to be there. For me, it would be a huge comfort for us to share this special moment together but also for him, it’s his child too and it was hard to miss out on these moments. Also, there is always the possibility that a scan may detect something wrong, and in the case where something was detected, it would be very hard to cope and digest the news by yourself.
But alas, he wasn’t allowed in, so we came up with a plan: my husband would drive me in to the appointment with my 2 year old son in the car and they would then wait outside in Merrion Square Park, I would ask the sonographer to write down the sex of the baby, but not to tell me, and then I would come straight out and we could share the moment together.
We were lucky, it was a lovely sunny June day on the day of the appointment so in I went to the hospital and my husband and son went off to the park. When I was called for the scan I actually recognised the sonographer, she was in her 30s, a similar age to myself, and I remembered her doing an earlier scan at about 8 weeks when I had had a bleed and had come in to be checked, she has been so professional and clear about things that day so I was delighted to see her again and I exhaled a sigh of relief as I knew I would be in good hands and that she would communicate the way I wanted her to.
Once the scan was complete and after ensuring that all was ok with the health and development of the baby, she wrote down the baby’s sex and put it in an envelope for me. I was so excited to get across the road to see my husband and son, just as I arrived I had an idea as my toddler was so hyped up about finding out he was screaming and jumping up and down so I said “why doesn’t Daddy tell you and you can whisper it to Mummy, so you can be the special one to tell me the news” … his little face lit up!
When he whispered “It’s a girl mummy” in my ear I was overcome with emotion. The news I was having a girl coupled with the delivery of the news from my little boy who was so happy and my husband standing opposite me smiling just made the moment so special!
