Newborn Woes
Having a baby was one of, if not the most, joyful events of my life. However, in the weeks after the birth, I found I was a shell of my former self.
All of the normal routine things like showering, sleep and exercise go out the window, basic human acts to keep you sane. Yet you are expected to function on little sleep and not a sniff of any exercise to release some endorphins. Showers are few and far between and usually anxious occasions particularly if you are breastfeeding as they are between feeds while the baby is napping so you feel like you are on a countdown timer.
Then when the baby gets into a bit of a rhythm or if some angel family member or friend takes the baby out for a walk between feeds so you can shower, it is the nicest thing in the world, it almost feels like a luxury to shower, dry your hair, moisturise and take your time.
If you took away those 3 things (showering, sleep & exercise) from someone’s life without a baby, they would be grumpy and out of sorts, then add in the needs of a newborn baby: feeding, changing, cuddling, and it is near impossible to feel normal. For me, the lack of sleep made me twitchy and anxious and then led to me being over tired and not being able to sleep.
Then come the visitors, it’s such a nice idea to have people call to celebrate the baby coming into the world but in practice it can be completely overwhelming. Not only have you had no sleep, but you are also trying to figure out how to care for the baby and their feeding needs and the latch if you are breastfeeding. You can barely walk down the stairs with the stitches and you are expected to get dressed and sit on the couch entertaining … and all while thinking “The baby is asleep, I should be asleep”.
My first child was born in early December, it was the lead up to Christmas time so everyone was in a festive, social mood and wanted to call and say “Hi!” which, again, is lovely but very overwhelming. I was to blame because I people-pleased and didn’t say “No!”. Looking back, I should have given myself a few more weeks after the hemorrhage and the blood transfusion to build up my iron levels at least before trying to entertain the masses.
On my second child it was the complete opposite, Covid lockdowns dictated that we could have no callers beyond immediate family and even at that they were cautious with masks and keeping their distance which really gave me the space I needed to properly heal and bond with the baby and enjoy our extended little family.
So on the days when I stayed in my pyjamas and didn’t shower, that was ok.
If the baby was up all night feeding I wasn’t anxious about facing who was to call the next day, I could sleep in and nap during the day when the baby slept to catch up.
I felt I had less dark thoughts and my hormones were less volatile as my body was given the time to heal and I was much less stressed.
I know it is different for everyone but from my experience I think for at least the first 4 – 6 weeks the family should be left alone to bond, to heal and to get used to the new setup. After that, there will be plenty of time to meet people when you are back up on your feet and less overwhelmed.
Also, I found that meeting someone out at the park or anywhere outside the house is so much easier. You are not entertaining, making tea, worrying about tidying the house (or hiding the washing!) and it means you can end the encounter when you feel tired. I remember, in the nicest way possible, wanting visitors to leave after they had been there over 30 mins as my brain was so tired I simply couldn’t focus on the conversation any longer.
Also it gets around the obligatory “holding of the baby”, which again, is a lovely idea but in practice you might just want the baby close to you that day as they are colic-y or they nap better near you or the visitor may wake them with their loud voice. Of course some visitors think this is a funny mishap, which in theory it is, but not when you have to deal with the fallout after they’ve left and get the baby back into that oh-so-important routine!
